In our last blog, we discussed how important it is for parents to acknowledge their own feelings — especially when they’re feeling frustrated, anxious, or overwhelmed. But there’s another key part of this practice that we often overlook: allowing our kids to see us acknowledge our feelings.
As parents, we often feel like we need to have it all together, especially in front of our children. We want them to feel safe, supported, and confident that we have the answers. But here’s the truth: our kids need to see us struggle.
This doesn’t mean we should burden them with our adult problems or overwhelm them with stress. But when we are open and honest about our own emotions in an age-appropriate way, we model something incredibly important — that it’s okay to feel emotions, and it’s okay to not always have all the answers.
Why It’s Important for Kids to See Us Struggling
When kids see their parents struggle with emotions and acknowledge those feelings, it helps them feel less alone in their own emotional experiences. Children often don’t have the tools or words to understand what they’re feeling, and if they’ve never seen their parents struggle or cope with tough emotions, they might feel like something is wrong with them when they experience these feelings themselves.
Without this model of emotional awareness, children might develop the belief that emotions are something to be avoided or “fixed” immediately. They might grow up feeling uncomfortable with difficult emotions and may not learn the healthy coping strategies needed to manage their feelings.
What Are We Modeling If We Don’t Acknowledge Our Feelings?
When parents hide or suppress their emotions in front of their children, it sends the message that emotions are something to be ashamed of or ignored. If kids never see us acknowledge our own frustration, anger, or sadness, how can they learn to handle those emotions when they face them?
In essence, we’re modeling emotional suppression. And while it might seem like we’re protecting them by not showing our struggles, we’re actually missing an opportunity to teach them an essential life skill: emotional resilience.
Kids need to know that it’s okay to feel upset or frustrated, that struggling with emotions doesn’t make them weak or flawed, and that they can always ask for help when they need it.
How to Acknowledge Your Feelings in an Age-Appropriate Way
Of course, it’s essential to approach this in an age-appropriate way. Young children don’t need to hear the full scope of your adult stresses, but they can certainly understand if you say, “I’m feeling frustrated right now because I don’t know how to help you with this.” Older children or teens may benefit from more in-depth conversations about the challenges you’re facing and how you’re working through them.
Here’s how you can apply this practice:
As children get older, they begin to grasp more complex emotions. You can start to involve them in problem-solving and emotional processing by talking about how you feel and brainstorming solutions together. For example:
- “I’m feeling frustrated right now because I can see how much you’re struggling, and I’m not sure what to do next. What do you think might help you feel better?” (seriously, it is AMAZING how young children can come up with solutions that parent’s often would have overlooked!)
- “I’m feeling worried about this, but it’s okay to feel worried sometimes. Let’s talk about how we can handle it together.”
This approach helps kids see that adults, too, have struggles, and it’s okay to work through challenges as a team.
The Power of “I Don’t Know, But Let’s Figure It Out Together”
One of the most powerful things we can say to our children when we’re feeling frustrated or overwhelmed is, “I don’t know, but let’s figure it out together.” This conveys a couple of important messages:
- It’s okay to not have all the answers: No one, not even parents, knows everything. This helps our children feel safer in expressing their own uncertainties and struggles.
- We’re in this together: It shows that we’re a team and that we’re ready to collaborate and find solutions as a family. This fosters a sense of support and togetherness, which is key for building emotional resilience.
Conclusion: Teaching Our Kids That Struggling is Normal
When we model emotional awareness and vulnerability by acknowledging our feelings, we’re giving our kids the tools they need to process their own emotions. We’re teaching them that struggling is a normal part of life — and that they’re not alone in those feelings.
So, the next time you’re feeling frustrated, sad, or anxious in front of your child, don’t hide it. Acknowledge it. Let them see you work through it in a calm, thoughtful way. When they see us struggle and cope with our emotions, we teach them that it’s okay to have those feelings, too — and that they can handle whatever comes their way.
This blog was written as a follow up to our previous blog click here to read part 1 or click here to read part 2
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