Why missing your old life doesn’t make you a bad parent.
There’s something nobody told me before I became a mum:
You might grieve the life you had before.
Not because you don’t love your child — but because you loved that version of you too.
The Life Before
Before parenting, I had freedom.
I could sleep in, go for a spontaneous drive, or leave the house without 27 things in a nappy bag.
I had long, uninterrupted thoughts. I had quiet. I had space.
And while I knew life would change after becoming a parent, I didn’t expect to feel this ache — a deep, quiet longing for the “before me.”
When Everything Changes Overnight
Parenthood doesn’t arrive gently. It crashes in.
You go from being an independent adult to being responsible for someone’s every moment — their comfort, their survival, their everything.
And in that process, it’s easy to forget about the person you were. Or to feel like she no longer fits in this new reality.
Sometimes, it feels like she disappeared altogether.
And that can feel like a loss.
Holding Space for Both Versions
We don’t talk enough about how hard it is to carry both joy and grief at the same time. But parenting asks us to do exactly that.
You can be thrilled by your baby’s first smile — and still miss sipping coffee alone in a café.
You can adore your new identity — and still grieve the spontaneity, the sleep, the old dreams.
You can feel full and hollow in the same breath.
And that doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you human.
Reconnecting With Yourself
Maybe the goal isn’t to “go back” to who we were, but to carry parts of that person forward.
To remember that version of you who laughed easily, who stayed up too late with friends, who dreamed big and wide — and to find moments, however small, to let her show up again.
Maybe she hasn’t disappeared. Maybe she’s just been waiting — quietly — to be invited back in.
It’s Okay to Miss Her
If you’re feeling this grief too — please know you’re not alone.
Motherhood is not just about birthing babies. It’s about reshaping ourselves again and again. And in the process, some versions of us get left behind.
But they’re not lost.
They’re part of the story.
And they deserve to be remembered, missed, and maybe even reclaimed.
If you experience persistent low mood, anxiety, or other mental health concerns during this time, seek support from healthcare professionals such as your GP and / or counselling services. For more information about counselling services check out our website www.wacpps.org.au
If you’re interested in exploring further content from us, we invite you to visit our Facebook and LinkedIn pages.
