Back-to-School for Parents: Supporting Your Kids and Yourself

Understanding Transition Anxiety

Even when children are excited about the new school year, big changes can stir nerves. You might notice:

• Trouble sleeping or waking early
• Clinginess or reluctance to separate
• Irritability or sudden emotional outbursts
• Worries about friends, teachers, or new routines.

Generally when we say this we are saying you will notice these signs in your children but parents aren’t immune, sometimes it is us who are having trouble sleeping, are more clingy than normal or worried about the new routine (or the old one, I’m 17 years into my school mum journey and the thought of school lunches fills me with dread!). Many of us feel pressure around school prep, juggling schedules, lunches, and “all the things” on our to-do list. Acknowledging that these feelings are normal is the first step toward managing them — for both you and your children.

Why Understanding Anxiety Matters

When we understand what transition anxiety looks like — and why it happens — it changes the way we respond. A child who clings, cries, or acts out isn’t being difficult; they’re navigating a big change in the only way they know how.

Responding with calm, reassurance, and empathy instead of frustration creates a safer, more supportive environment. Simple statements like,

“I can see you’re feeling nervous. That makes sense — I’m here to help, how can I help? What do you need?”

tell children that their feelings are valid, manageable, and accepted. This strengthens trust, connection, and emotional resilience. Ask your children what help and support looks like for them. Often times we try to step in and help but we aren’t meeting what our children actually need at that time. Asking them what will help does many things, first it gives us an understanding and insight into how we can support them and secondly, it gives our children practice at asking for what they need and asking for their needs to be met, it gives them autonomy in a situation where they may feel they have very little control.

Parents benefit too. Acknowledging your own stress and giving yourself permission to adjust reduces tension and creates a calmer household. When you approach the transition with compassion for yourself, your children notice, and everyone breathes a little easier. Early in my parenting journey I thought I had to always have it together in front of my kids. What that showed them was that not having it together is a sign of weakness. Now I am focused on modelling that it is ok to struggle. “I’m struggling right now because you are growing up so quickly and I’m not ready for that. My brain knows you are going to have an amazing time but my heart is missing you being a tiny baby in my arms. I think a hug would help me now.’ Or, more recently ‘I’m so over the mental load of having to plan for school lunches for the week and then finding out your brother has eaten all the lunchboxes snacks and then the stress of trying to work out what to send you with for lunch when we are all rushing around in the mornings, do you have suggestions on where we can hide the snacks that your brother wont find them?’

Tips to Support Your Child

1. Re-establish Routines Early
   Shift back to school bedtime and morning routines at least a week before term starts. Predictability helps children feel secure and gives them a sense of control.
2. Validate Their Feelings
   Instead of brushing off worries with “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” try:
   “It makes sense that you feel nervous. New things can feel big, and I’m here with you.”
   Validation teaches emotional safety and builds confidence.
3. Visit the School Together
   If possible, walk around the school, locate classrooms, explore the playground, or practise the drop-off routine. Familiarity eases anxiety and makes the first day less daunting.
4. Create Connection Rituals

A short morning affirmation, a secret handshake, or even a heart drawn on their hand can provide comfort and ease separation. These little gestures reinforce connection and emotional safety.

Supporting Your Own Transition as a Parent

1. Let Go of the Pressure to Be Perfect
   Just like children, parents need time to readjust after the holidays. Give yourself permission to ease into routines rather than expecting perfection from day one.
2. Build in Buffer Time
   Even a few quiet minutes in the morning or after school can make a big difference. Use this time to pause, breathe, and reset before tackling the next task. I also include this in my drive. Every time I turn on my indicator I use it as a trigger to practice box breathing, ‘in for 4 hold for 4, out for 6 and smile’ and then repeat as many times as the indicator is on.
3. Prioritise Self-Care
   Your wellbeing directly impacts your children’s wellbeing. Small acts — a peaceful coffee, a walk around the block, or saying “no” when you need to — can help you feel grounded and capable. I also include this in my drive home after school. Every time I turn on my indicator I use it as a trigger to practice box breathing, ‘in for 4 hold for 4, out for 6 and smile’ and then repeat as many times as the indicator is on.
4. Reach Out for Support
   If stress, tension, or overwhelm persists, talking with a counsellor or support service can help your family navigate transitions with healthier routines and communication.

Back-to-school and back-to-work transitions don’t have to be stressful. With empathy, preparation, and a little patience — for yourself and your children — this time of year can become an opportunity for connection, growth, and confidence for the whole family.